Each of us has their own story of self-denial. Here is mine.
In these pictures I am 5-6 years old and am very well aware of my Venus 💫 Intuitively I felt her and expressed her intuitively, too. I was very sexual, expressive and demonstrative. Not a good girl at all! And I didn’t care. Though I remember comments from grown-ups that girls should be more reserved and modest. They were trying to hold me back all the time, to dim my inner light. Because I was too visible, too radiant, too intense. In short, I used to be “too much” for them. As I said, I didn’t care. But! The seed was planted 🌱
And when I fell in love with one man ( it wasn’t first love, it was the biggest), the seed sprouted. He fell in love with me the way I was. But, after some time he started holding me back.
One time I was too expressive, the other too laid back with strangers, too intense, too brave. Attracting too much attention, so, maybe, an attention seeker. Energy too palpable, penetrating. Too notable and communicative. Wanting too much, not putting up with little. Too shining. Laughing too much (this I used to hear pretty often from people since my childhood 😆, this or that I was laughing too loud. Girls should laugh quieter). Actually, now, working with women, I realize that this is a pretty common situation in our society, when a man falls in love with a radiant self-sufficient woman and then tries to frame her, to make her “smaller”, to crush her under him. When he succeeds, he begins a new venture, looking for another shining woman.
My man would never say it loud. He would just ignore me in situations he didn’t like by becoming emotionally detached. And this is the worst punishment, agree?
One time I was revising our pics and vids from the trip and saw us filmed from a side. I was terrified by the way I looked at him, by my face expression. It was so full of guilt and confusion 😔
Because at that time the seed that had been planted in me sprouted and was growing at high speed. I was sincerely trying to become more reserved, modest, silent, less notable. But as it was not my nature, it looked clumsy, ridiculous and sad.
I saw that I turned into a dog that was trying to please the master, and I fell into depressed mood. Little by little, I got down to study my Birth Chart again. By the way, I knew my Birth Chart long before I turned into someone I was not. But, imagine this, I loved that man so much that even knowing my PERSONAL VENUS I betrayed her.
So, imagine, how much easier it is to betray your PERSONAL VENUS when you don’t know her. Every woman! Every woman should know and study her love planet!
So, what is the end of my story? Hahaha, there is no end 😆. We are still together. But I gave up on my attempts to be that silent woman who silently laughs into a fist, or who wears modest clothing. After all realizations and deep dive into my Birth Chart, I was courageous enough to talk to him and say that either he accepts my palpable energy or not. And he accepted. Because I accepted myself. And everything started to change.
Of course, it was a pretty long process. But! Thanks God I can shine as bright as I need now and am encouraged to shine 🌟 And I am learning! On the whole, it is ridiculous that you feel guilty for having more energy than others, and being more self-sufficient than others. So guilty, that you try hard to dim your own light, to pretend that you are less than you are. But this is for another post. What I want to say here is that each of us is different but we all are brainwashed by “standards”.
It so important to know your PERSONAL VENUS if you want to build up a relationship. Not only to know, but also take care of her, grow her in her own direction. Because there is no standard and each Venus energy expression is unique.
And you? My dear friends! Do you know your PERSONAL VENUS?
